When you’re a kid – you throw a temper tantrum and someone tosses you in time out.
When you’re an adult – you have to learn to throw yourself in time out. Or you could act like a piss pot – but then you won’t have any friends
I spent a lot of time acting like a piss pot the past couple weeks. With all the life changes, I kind of forgot the sound of my own voice. Work picked up and so did my pace and soon enough I was burnt out and unable to remember what peace felt like. I felt a feeling I hadn’t felt in a very long time – discontent.
I took everything apart and studied hard to find the culprit. Was it my job? Was it the chair in the front lawn? Was it PMS? Was it Portland? Was it Jaime? Was it the fact that the chairs we ordered 4 weeks ago still had not yet arrived? No. It was me. Buried under piles of to-do lists, excel sheets, projects, laundry, Facebook posts, financial projections and project aspirations was little old me – folded 4 times over, wrinkled, dusty and quite annoyed. I was tired, but I wouldn’t let myself rest. I wanted more R&R on the weekends, but I wouldn’t take it. I was exhausted from work, but I still kept working harder and longer hours. It was just dumb.
I realized I needed to give myself a time out. Here I was happily married living in a beautiful apartment in a beautiful space and I was so miserable I couldn’t stand to be around myself. So on Friday, I rebelled against myself and worked from home. I even took 40 min and sat in the sun. I told myself – I don’t want to ever say “if I had my life to live over, I’d have ‘this’ or ‘that.” The whole reason we moved to Portland was to enable ourselves to break free from control and learn to live again and here I was getting right back into my old bad patterns.
I told myself, if I felt exhausted – to go slower, if I felt overwhelmed – to delegate, if I felt tired – to take a nap, if i felt stressed – to be with mother nature and get some exercise. So far so good.
Tonight I got to run for a few miles in the park while Jaime walked the boys. When we got home, I cleaned up the lawn and watered the grass and now – now I’m sitting here in Jaime’s office watching the last glitter of daylight tiptoe down the leaves of the back tree and I honestly can’t remember all the things that frustrated me today. And I don’t care about them. I only care about how peaceful I feel right now.